I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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