she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
