Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize