I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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