he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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