he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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