Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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