Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
