Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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