I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
