Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
