I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
