she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
