I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
