yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
