then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who put my cat in the fridge?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
