you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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