I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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