Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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