How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
