he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
