My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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