she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
