I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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