"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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