wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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