i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
