he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
