morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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