Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
