you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
