ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
