I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
