almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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