I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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