You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm too high and old for this...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
