I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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