I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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