nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
