You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
