Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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