So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
