So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
