he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
