Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
