Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
