No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
