im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
