note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
false alarm. still invincible.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
