my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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