If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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