You don't have asthma, your pregnant
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
