I think I am morally bankrupt
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
