Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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