Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
