Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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