Your dad touched me again.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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