I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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