nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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