my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
