How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
