I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
