i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
