I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize