I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
