I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
